Follow Your Dreams? - Huacachina

Huacachina Oasis, Perú

Anita in the yellow sand dunes of Huacachina desert in Peru. She's wearing blue jeans, a black t-shirt and a bandana covering the face from flying sand.

We were walking back to the oasis hotel, slowly, with elephantine steps. Our shoes were heavy, filled with yellow sand which gave a grinding sensation between the toes. My ears were itching, too, sand had sneaked in even if I had covered my face with a bandana.

The sand buggy rally in the Ica desert had been a blast, the adrenaline rush of our lives. My voice was hoarse from screaming with both fear and delight. I spotted a slight bruise on my right thigh, Umberto had squeezed it accidentally on the first close-to-vertical drive up the dunes. I also tried sandboarding. Fantastic! Beats snowboarding to me. And the sunset over the desert was one of the most glorious ones we’ve ever seen.

I had organized the entire Peruvian tour as a surprise, so my husband could have no expectations or prepare himself mentally. He had not heard about this desert area with massive sand dunes, located in Southern Perú on the border of the Atacama desert. He, too, was enraptured by the experience and could not stop raving about the day’s wild ride, even in the shower. Our driver was amazing!

Later in the evening, we met with some of our new friends, fellow travelers, to grab a bite to eat at an oasis hostel bar. There were no opportunities for conversation during the intense excursion but now, we were in sharing mode. After the customary travel-related topics, we moved to more personal questions.

It’s important to follow your dreams…

“So, what do you do?” asked the young Austrian guy who was taking a year off to travel between his Bachelor’s and Master’s. He was a Finance major, not because he liked it but because “it was a way to earn enough to retire by the age of 45 ”. I had to shout my response over the reggaeton blasting out of the loudspeakers.

“I travel the world.”

I hesitated for a second but that was the clearest answer I could come up with, considering the noise. We moved to a less noisy corner. Umberto had wandered off somewhere, chatting with an Italian backpacker.

“OMG! That’s my dream! I want to just travel and not work!” shrieked the Asian-looking woman, in her mid-twenties.

She had quit her job, because she hated it, and bought a one-way ticket to travel around South America. All of this, to the great chagrin of her parents of Korean origin, who had held high hopes of her becoming a successful lawyer.

“I don’t care what they say, it’s so important to follow your dreams!” she went on, with a stubborn expression on her pretty face. He agreed, and they clinked their beer bottles in beautiful synchrony. I didn’t want to say anything, so I just smiled and moved to the beat of the music.

…or is it?

The thing is, I did not agree, not black-and-white. Not any more. Experience has made me change my mind. Up to my forties, I was almost fanatical in my conviction - as was my new young friend - that you had to dream big and always go for your dreams, no matter what. And never give up.

Whereas now I say: slow down and reflect. Don’t just repeat platitudes and catchphrases, understand what you think deep down inside, try to really figure it out.

Are your dreams really your dreams?

When you’re young, you still need to decipher who you are. Are you sure your dreams are truly yours? Quite probably, they are not. Sometimes, they are attempts to rebel against your upbringing. And very often, they are products of the culture you grew up in and are surrounded by now. This happens also to us more mature persons. We absorb the ideals of the world around us and live under the illusion that they are ours.

If you say your dream is to “not work and travel the world”, why? Where did you get those ideas from and why are they important? Are they, really, truly important to you? Or is it possibly something that people think is cool in your social and professional circles, on Instagram and in traditional media, so you think it’s your dream, too?

Are you willing to pay the price?

When you’re young and inexperienced, you cannot yet know that every choice we make, every dream we chase comes with a price tag. You are not able to take in consideration all that it takes to achieve a particular dream. You cannot predict the choices and sacrifices necessary. You don’t consider the risks, either.

You say your dream is to “not work and just travel the world”. Unless you’re born with a silver spoon in your mouth, are you prepared to first work hard for decades, make money, and resist instant gratification so you save and invest? Yes? Wonderful. Next, can you handle the unglamorous part of world traveler life: endless hours in transit, time wasted for delays and tedious problems, language barriers, security risks, and so on? Most importantly, is vagabond life in line with your character? Meaning, you not only tolerate but can thrive in the unpredictability, irregularity and inevitable loneliness that this lifestyle comes with?

Every choice also comes with an opportunity cost. That’s what you give up or sacrifice to make that choice. Making a particular big dream happen now may close some other options for your future. You don’t want to hear it now but the truth is: we cannot have it all, especially not at one single moment in time. That’s how life works.

Will you feel fulfilled - for how long?

This is the scariest question. What if you achieve your dream? Will you feel content, satisfied, fulfilled? Or will you always chase something more, or something else altogether?

What if you get there, achieve your big dream, and feel… a bit down and empty? That’s what psychologists call the arrival fallacy, the mistaken belief that reaching your goal will make you happy. When it happened to me I could not understand what was wrong. After all those years of planning, hard work and perseverance, I achieved the goal, well ahead of my deadline. Yet, I did not feel satisfied immediately, it took me months to get my head straight. Now I understand there often is a gap between the satisfaction you expect and the reality.

We human beings are strange animals. We adapt quickly to new, improved circumstances, and the happiness boost we get from positive changes tends to wane quickly. Then we hedonistically always want more. And more. Unless we learn to want what we have. Your dream is to “not work and just travel the world” and you succeed, you become a world traveler. Are you satisfied, do you depart on each trip with a smile on your face and a song in your heart? Or do you feel hollow and start chasing your next dream?

Is your dream your identity?

If yes, watch out. If you cannot separate your identity from your dream, you’re at a great risk of burnout and identity crisis. Or worse, if you should fail. Over-identification can also become a mask that conceals your essence, a role you play in this world. I know this from experience. It took me quite a number of years to understand the difference between “being a Boutique Hotelier” and “running a little Boutique Hotel”.

Luckily, the dream can also be in line with your true self. I’ve always loved traveling more than anything. Even as a little girl, my parents told me, I kept packing my little suitcase and was the first one to jump in the car when there was a chance to go somewhere. It was helpful for me to go back in years and imagine talking to the little child in me. Now I understand and accept that, as much as I love being at home, I am happiest on the road. I am living my dream and feel fulfilled.

Sunset in the Ica desert in Peru, with a low sun on an orange sky and sunlight reflecting on the sand dunes — Sunset in the Ica desert in Perú.

Back to reality at the oasis hostel bar.

Our burgers had arrived and I woke up to the present moment.

Yes, it is important to follow our dreams. Big dreams or small, they are the gas in our tanks, they are the wind beneath our wings, they give us energy and direction. IF we are sure that the dreams we chase are truly ours and IF we are willing to pay the price of making them happen. The biggest challenge is to learn to feel fulfilled when we achieve a dream, instead of always wanting something more.

That’s what was going through my head but I didn’t say a word of it to our travel companions. Unsolicited advice is usually not a good idea, and this was not the right time and place for serious talk. I looked at my young interlocutors and thought: “Hey, that’s what being young is all about! Dream, explore, go and make your own mistakes.”

But I did want to give them one gold nugget, so I said:

“One problem about following your dreams is, it can make you blind. If you’re obsessed about a dream you may not see there’s something even better for you, even if it’s right under your nose.”

My young friends looked baffled, so I continued:

“OK, let me give you a concrete example. For years, I dreamt of living in Italy but an Italian husband was definitely NOT part of the plan. It just happened, completely off-plan, against my resistance - and he’s turned out to be the best thing that ever happened to me!

They thought it was funny and we laughed together. Then I got serious again:

“You may not be able to dream what’s best for you. Don’t let pursuing your dreams limit your happiness. Sometimes it’s better to just let life happen.”

view of the inside courtyard of the Senoma oasis hotel in Huacachina Peru. There's a swimming pool in the center. — View of our hotel in the oasis, Senoma.

*****

Two tips for Huacachina and touring in Perú:

We stayed at the Senoma Hotel in Huacachina, https://www.senomahotels.com/

It’s a nice adults-only hotel at the heart of the oasis, with rooms that are basic but have everything essential. Very friendly personnel and nice public areas including bar, restaurant and swimming pool.

We toured Southern Perú with Peru Hop (https://bushop.com/peru/). It’s a great choice for people who do not have a lot of time, yet want to experience a lot. I only booked our accommodation and they took care of the transport and booking the excursions.