Friendship at first sight - Stresa
Lago Maggiore, Italy
Do you know that feeling when you meet somebody for the first time, and it immediately feels as if you had known each other for a long time? You sense a strange and wonderful instant connection, a bit like love at first sight but without the romantic-sexual attraction. Friendship at first sight.
It’s a beautiful sunny afternoon in Stresa in Northern Italy. My computer and I are sitting on a terrace overlooking Lago Maggiore. I’ve been coming here for twenty-five years now, to visit my friends, more times than I can count. Yet, I never get bored of this magical view. It’s a living piece of art, different every season, every time of the day, in every weather.
I’m reflecting on the last few decades and feel nostalgic. I open my Google Photos drive and start filtering photos taken here in different years. Hairstyles change and our faces and bodies look older now. We have changed careers, cities and countries several times. But the essential thing remains: friendship, and it keeps bringing me back here.
It started in London, back in 2001
“I’d like to introduce you to someone. I think you two would hit it off”, Jussi said.
It was winter 2001, I was living in London back then. He and I knew each other from the IT business circles. I thought, OK, why not, and accepted the lunch invitation.
That’s how I met Pirjo. At the Oxo Tower Restaurant in London. White tablecloths, courteous waiters, a spectacular view across the Thames of St Paul’s Cathedral. Sparkling conversation, irresistible laughter, great chemistry. Jussi was right. It was friendship at first sight.
Over the last 25 years, we have spent many great times together, coupled up or just us ladies. In London, Florida, Finland and in Italy. We’ve enjoyed many happy moments, laughter and conversation over dinner, bottles of bubbly or during long walks. We’ve created little friendship traditions, such as walking up to Bar Sport high above Stresa (elevation gain almost 400m) and having cocktails at the Hemingway Bar of the Grand Hotel des Iles Borromées. So many times we’ve remained talking until the early morning hours on this very same terrace. We’ve also supported each other in difficult moments and heartbreak.
Pirjo and I at Bar Sport, 2011.
Bar Sport, 2018.
Bar Sport, 2022.
Walked up again in 2026!
People often say it’s more difficult to make friends in adulthood. My experience has been the contrary. Most of my deep, meaningful friendships have started in adulthood. Not always friendship at first sight but that’s not necessary. I’ve been lucky but also methodical about it. Here’s my simple method.
How to make real friends in adulthood?
1. Get lucky.
Increase your chances by going to a lot of places and meeting many people. Work, hobbies, gym, cultural events, parties, airplane, hotel swimming pools, you name it. Or get introduced by mutual contacts.
2. Seize the opportunity.
When you’re at the roulette table, play! When you go to a lot of places and meet new people, smile. Talk to strangers. Engage in conversation when somebody talks to you. Accept invitations. When you feel a “click” with someone, get their contact details right away and suggest meeting up at a specific date soon.
3. Nurture the budding relationship.
Meet up and keep in touch. Get to know each other. Sometimes the instant connection does not develop into a deep friendship but that’s OK. First impressions are not always right. But often they are, so trust your intuition and give the friendship a chance.
4. Value the friendship.
Give it high priority. Dedicate a bit of time and energy to keep in touch. Sometimes life takes over and there may be periods when you cannot meet up. But even then, little messages like “I’m thinking about you” make a difference. And over the years, a true friend will know that a period of silence does not mean the end. You’ll pick it up where you left it off, when the timing is right.
5. Celebrate…
At the main entrance of the Grand Hotel des Iles Borromées.
The bar is named in honor of the writer who frequented the bar during his stays at the hotel.
Following Hemingway’s footsteps.
… 5. Celebrate the friendship!
Time to wake up from my reverie. I need to get dressed, put on some lip gloss and go out with Pirjo. We’ll walk down to the Hemingway Bar and celebrate 25 years of friendship. I do hope there will be at least 25 more!
*****
My Stresa Favorites
Grand Hotel des Iles Borromées, https://borromees.com/
The hotel was opened in 1863, and the current owners have restored it to the original glory. I love Art Nouveau architecture and this historic luxury hotel is simply stunning. It is also a special place for all of us Hemingway aficionados. The 19-year-old Ernest Hemingway arrived in Stresa for the first time in 1918, recovering from a war wound. He loved the hotel and returned many times - but that’s not all. The hotel is featured in his 1929 novel A Farewell to Arms.
The Hemingway Bar
The writer frequented the hotel’s lobby bar, now named in his honor.
Sky Bar at Hotel La Palma, https://www.hlapalma.it/en/sky-bar/
You may have noticed, I love panoramic views and rooftops. This hotel rooftop bar has a wonderful view of Lago Maggiore. One of our regular spots when we meet up in Stresa!
The rooftop bar at Hotel La Palma has one of the best views of Lago Maggiore.
The hike from Stresa to Belgirate passes through a beautiful forest.
Walk up to Bar Sport in Levo, Stresa
Our friendship tradition, it’s a fun (and sweaty) 4km-walk up from the city center, almost 400m in elevation gain. On your way back down, you can enjoy some spectacular views.
Hike from Stresa to Belgirate
This relaxing hike - Sentiero dei Castagni - is about 8km long. The walking path, with about 400m elevation gain, passes through a lovely forest. If you like, you can stop for a nice lunch on the lake in Belgirate. If you’ve had enough of walking, you can return to Stresa by bus or boat (Navigazione Laghi) which is a fun way to experience the lake.
Isola Bella, https://terreborromeo.it/en/isola-bella
This famous 17th-century Baroque island is part of the view from Pirjo’s terrace. I find it particularly striking at night. Owned by the aristocratic Borromeo family, it is renowned for its opulent palace and impressive terraced gardens. The gardens are full of rare flowers and exotic plants, and you can encounter some white peacocks. Isola Bella is easily teachable by ferry or boat from Stresa or the neighboring lakeside towns.
Pirjo Toivanen is a writer and her husband Reijo a photographer. You can find her novels and the books they have published together (in Finnish) at Stresa Kustannus,https://stresa.fi/
Lago Maggiore by night. The big illuminated building by the water is the Grand Hotel des Iles Borromées. Isola Bella is far left.