I Like Getting Older - Ballenbühl
Ballenbühl, Switzerland
My heart was beating so hard I could feel it in my throat and hear it in my years. My steps were getting heavier and slower. Keep going, I told myself, don’t stop, keep going. I passed by some cows behind an electric fence. Their huge brown eyes, usually so melancholic, seemed to be laughing at me.
“Moooo!” I shouted at them with my remaining breath. In reply, I heard a choir of out-of-key mooing.
I was running uphill in Ballenbühl, Switzerland.
When I got to the famous viewpoint, 852m above sea level, I felt like beating my chest with pride. Winner of my own one-woman race! I sat down on the bench and admired the incredible panorama across the Emmental valley and the Bernese Alps.
I have family who live not far from here, so I’ve been to this viewpoint more times than I can remember. We have photos of me on my first visit to Switzerland in 1975, but I was so young that I cannot remember anything. The earliest memories I can recall with clarity are from my teenage years in the 80’s. I was not yet a fitness enthusiast back then, so this very same steep walk up felt like torture.
Muscle memory is a funny thing. The view made me relive some of that frustration, even if this time, the memory made me laugh. As impossible as it seemed to the adolescent mind, a few years later I learned to love physical challenge. So much so that I’ve been seeking it on a daily basis for the last three decades.
The panorama board at Ballenbühl pinpoints all the peaks you see.
Sitting on the bench, behind the half-circle-shaped Ballenbühl panorama board, I had a thought. Better said, a strong sensation in my body, which produced a powerful idea:
I like getting older.
I was alone at the viewpoint. My breath had got back to a normal rhythm so I said it aloud. Then shouted it to the wind, to the spring-green fields, to the lightly snow-topped Alps. “I like getting older!”
I could not verbalize it better and the moment passed. I began to run back to my Aunt’s house, zigzagging on the descending country road, in order to make the impact softer. Passing by the grazing cows again, I greeted them with a happy “Grüsse”, but they ignored me.
The idea came back late in the evening when I was about to fall asleep. I switched on the bedside lamp and quickly grabbed my diary to write down the flow of thoughts. Where did that feeling come from in the afternoon? Why? Was it the familiar place that brought it on?
I realized I had slept in the same guest room and bed as a teenager, then in my twenties, thirties and forties. I stretched out on the bed, trying to imagine myself as the person I was in each past epoch. It was impossible. Some flashing memories and brief visual impressions were all I could retrieve. Still, something began to stir.
“Stronger”, was the first scribble. Then I wrote a title above it.
In front of the Bern Parliament building on my first trip to Switzerland, 1975.
Always be posing, Switzerland, 1975.
“Why I like getting older”
What are the changes that made me feel so strongly that getting older is a good thing? Slowly and thoughtfully, I wrote a list of isolated points across two blank diary pages. Then, elaborated the list with additional words and sentences:
Stronger.
The years have made me stronger. Mentally, intellectually, pragmatically and emotionally. (And also, compared to the teenager, stronger at running uphill.)
Less self-critical.
The younger me used to be brutal to herself. Now I no longer beat myself up for my mistakes. I understand they are a normal part of life, and necessary for learning, unfortunately. Sometimes, they’ve even turned out to be blessings over time.
Realistic, not idealistic.
I no longer see the world through rose-colored glasses. Hard as it is sometimes, I accept my own limitations. I accept that I cannot change the world. I can only try to change myself.
No longer insecure.
At age 55, I finally have no insecurities about my body or face. I don’t diet. I don’t weigh myself, we don’t even own a bathroom scale. I’m a foodie. I love exercising. I’m letting my face age naturally. This is an important transformation for someone who wasted a big part of her youth dieting and feeling unattractive.
More focused.
I’ve started to understand what’s important and what’s not. I try to focus on things I can impact and not worry about what is completely out of my sphere of control. We have a limited time on this earth, and as years go by, every moment becomes more precious!
Worry less, have more fun.
A direct consequence of taking life and myself less seriously. I don’t sweat the small stuff. If I can make a choice, I choose the option that is more fun. NB. The definition of “fun” for me includes things that are challenging, such as moving to a new country, learning foreign languages, starting a business - or running uphill.
Better learner.
Learning is easier, faster and more effective when you have learned to learn. With more experience of the world, you can build bridges from what you already know to new material. This is deep learning, as opposed to memorizing.
A bit wiser.
I’ve grown more sensitive to different cultures. I’ve started to understand philosophy, history and classic literature. Hemingway, too!
Better partner, lover, wife.
I didn’t have a clue about love when I was younger.
Traveling alone is so much better at 55!
No u…
Ballenbühl in winter, some ten years ago. A thick fog covered the panorama of the Bernese Alps.
The next morning, I woke up early with the light still on and the diary on my chest. I re-read what I had written and nodded in agreement. “This is good stuff,” I thought. Life is indeed getting better with age. “This is the right direction, keep it up!”
The last point gave me some trouble, however. The scribble under point number 10 was illegible. I enlarged it with my cell phone camera but could not decipher it. I must have fallen asleep writing that. Five minutes later, brushing my teeth, I remembered.
Traveling alone at 55 is so much better because there’s no unwanted attention any more. For starters! But that’s a theme for a whole other blog post.
I smiled at myself in the bathroom mirror. Another beautiful day has started, let’s go and live it, now!
*****
This bear greets you when you’re on you’re getting close to the viewpoint.
My cheering friends, the cows.
Ballenbühl is a viewpoint in the canton of Bern in Switzerland, famous for its panoramic views of the Bernese Alps, including Jungfrau. The surrounding area is a popular hiking destination, offering many different regional routes. The nearest train station is Konolfingen, an easy 20-minute train ride from Bern.