Learning to Love Yourself - Rio de Janeiro

Rio de Janeiro, Brazil

Rio de Janeiro seen from helicopter, with Ipanema in the front and Copacabana in the right and Sugarloaf Mountain in the top right corner.

Today is the first Sunday in August, another steamy hot day of summer 2026, and we’re getting ready to go down to the beach. Umberto and I live in a seaside town with miles of beautiful beaches, so bathing suits are an essential part of the wardrobe. I tend to select the day’s bikini randomly, just close my eyes and pull one out of the box. Today, it happens to be the one we bought as a souvenir in Rio de Janeiro, green and yellow, with the Brazil logo. It brings back a lovely memory.

Hanging out at the pool with a view

We arrived in Rio on an early January morning. It was too early to check in but the hotel graciously offered us to store our luggage and permitted us to hang out at the rooftop pool while we waited for the room to be ready. And quite a pool it was! It had a spectacular panoramic view of Copacabana Beach and Avenida Atlântica, all the way to Sugarloaf Mountain.

As we still had all of our valuables on us, including passports, Umberto and I took turns dipping in the pool. One person always manned the sunbeds, holding on to the handbags.

It was Umberto’s turn to splash out in the pool when a young lady politely asked me if the sunbed next to me was free. It was, so I welcomed her to take it. She had a lovely demeanor and a beautiful voice. She was a pretty, slim brunette, seemed to be in her early thirties. While she sprayed on sunscreen we began to chat.

She, another travel enthusiast, had been to Brazil before and kindly shared her Rio favorites with me. She lived in the Bay area so I had to ask if she was in tech, as I had been during my corporate career. It turned out that she was, and it didn’t take us long to find a few names we both knew. We connected.

After a while, Umberto’s head emerged out of the pool, asking me if I wanted to switch. I told him not to worry, I was in the middle of an interesting conversation and he dove back in, happy as a seal.

Famous last words

“Is that your husband?” the young lady asked me.

“Yes, he is, the love of my life,” I responded with a happy smile.

“Italian, right?” she replied and smiled back at me.

I nodded and continued: “How about you, someone special?”

She hesitated for a brief moment, then said: “Oh no, not me, I’m not married … or anything. I prefer to be single.”

She then took a deep breath and added: “I’m focusing on my career.”

“OK,” I said, trying not to read too much between the lines.

I knew that last phrase too well, having declared it so many times myself in the past. The last time was particularly memorable, if not ridiculous. It was only four days before I met Umberto when I (furiously, with conviction) wrote in the diary: “No more men, I’m just focusing on my career!” Of course, I had also sworn I would never, ever get married. Famous last words.

It was time to change the topic to something less personal. Before I could do so, she continued:

“And I’m not ready. You know… you have to love yourself before you can love somebody else.”

The self-help industry is not always helpful.

Ouch! This was getting uncanny. I felt like I was listening to myself twenty-five years ago. She reminded me of the ambitious career-centered woman I had been, the perfectionist, hyperactive self-critic, self-development junkie. “You have to love yourself before you can love somebody else.” How many times had I repeated that same line? More than I could remember.

And where did she get that toxic idea from? Probably the same place as I did: self-help books, seminars and videos of self-development gurus, women' s magazines, other women. And nowadays, of course, social media. To make things worse, social media often distorts the topic of self-love, turning it into narcissistic memes and confusing self-love with pampering and self-adulation.

Every brain cell inside my head was shouting: “Darling, don’t believe that nonsense! It’s not true!”

Why do I say that line is toxic? Because it can make us believe that you have to be a super-developed human being in order to love someone. It can make us close our hearts to the possibility of love, because there’s something wrong with us, “we’re not ready”. This, of course, is a potent marketing strategy for the self-help industry, to sell more books, courses and therapy.

But I could not say that, I didn’t want to. I wanted to choose my words carefully, so as not to make her feel criticized. I also wanted to brighten up the conversation which had taken a darker shade under the Brazilian sun.

So I began, cautiously: “If I may… I’m not a world-class expert on anything. But I kissed so many frogs before meeting The One, I’m fairly confident that I know a thing or two about love.”

Avenida Atlantica seen from Miramar by Windsor hotel rooftop

Let love teach you self-love.

She looked at me, the smile was back. Good. So I went on: “You know, often it’s actually the other way around. When someone truly loves you, you can try to look at yourself through their eyes. Their loving eyes. See what a marvelous creature you can be. That’s how you can learn to love yourself more, too.”

“Hmmm,” she let out a sound. “I didn’t think about it that way.”

“Neither did I, before I met him,” I confessed, pointing at my husband floating belly-up in the pool, and carried on with a wink: “The real self-love, by the way, has very little to do with expensive lattes, blueberry muffins and day spa treatments. Even less with selfies on Instagram.”

Her expression got pensive and she asked: “So, what does it mean, you think, loving yourself?”

It was my turn to say “hmmm.” I had to gather my thoughts for a second to find the right words. “My definition is … two words. Respect and compassion. It’s actually not that different from loving another person.”

Then I wanted to add one more, conclusive comment: “You know, if there was such a requirement to love yourself before loving somebody else, I’m pretty sure the human race would have been extinct thousands of years ago! There’s no such thing as being ready to love someone, or to be loved. We’re all as ready as we can be. Just be open to the possibility.”

She didn’t say anything but smiled. I listened to the humming traffic noise from Avenida Atlântica below. I could see dozens of umbrellas stuck in the sand on Copacabana Beach, they looked like giant flowers. That’s when Umberto climbed out of the pool and told me it was my turn.

“Want to take a dip?” I asked her.

“Yeah, let’s”, she responded joyfully, and we jumped in.

*****

Our Rio Favorites

We stayed at Hotel Miramar by Windsor Copacabana and had a fabulous stay. This hotel immediately made it to my personal “favorite hotels of the world” list.

Hotel Miramar has a stunning location at the heart of Copacabana, and the rooftop pool & bar has an unforgettable view. The personnel was professional and friendly, the room had everything we desired, and the breakfast buffet was exceptional. The hotel also featured a little, well air conditioned gym on the top floor. I found this particularly useful when the weather was too hot for running outside.

Our favorite experience in Brazil was a helicopter over ride over Rio de Janeiro with Riocopter. It was incredible to see the famous sights - especially Cristo Redentor and Sugarloaf Mountain - from high up in the sky!