You Cannot Make Old Friends - Hanko

Hanko, Finland

“Wow, the air is so fresh!” 

I almost think aloud as I run among the pine trees by the sea. After the exhausting heatwave at home, this feels divine. My shoes are making steady crunching sounds as they crush dry pine needles lying on the ground. It’s a cloudy day, cold for July, not exactly my idea of beach weather. But there are people by the water, lounging on towels that are spread on the yellow sand. Some kids are riding the water carousel, I can hear their shrieks even with my headphones on. 

I smile at the sight of those iconic wooden changing cabins. They look high-class, standing proudly, with great posture, just like their identical predecessors did over a hundred years ago, echoing a world long gone.

The vintage changing cabins are built in the original seaside resort style of the late 19th century.

The Midsummer pole tradition still lives strong in the Swedish-speaking coastal areas of Finland.

This is Hanko, 

Hangö in Swedish, a seaside town on the southernmost peak of Finland. Off-season, it’s a sleepy little locality of 8,000 inhabitants, a couple of supermarkets and one movie theater. But come summer, the population multiplies to 30,000-40,000 as tourists and people with sailing boats and vacation houses arrive. All of a sudden, the town is full of life as holiday-makers flock to bars and restaurants in the marina and populate the characteristic gingerbread-style wooden villas.

The town boasts over 130km of coastline, of which circa 30km is covered by sandy beaches. Not surprising, therefore, that Hanko is also known as the “Riviera of Finland”. The remaining hundred kilometers feature rugged Baltic shores with granite cliffs and rocky coves, beautiful in an untamed manner. 

A symbol of friendship

I’m visiting a dear old friend in Hanko. Over the years, I’ve been here more times than we can recall, not only in the buzz of the summer but also in the dead of November and March. Some people say it’s a most boring place in winter but I love it in all seasons, no matter what the weather is like. Because for me, Hanko has come to signify something priceless. 

Hours-long slow walks on the seashore, with sand in our shoes. Climbing up the cliffs, past crooked pine trees that have been beaten up by ferocious Baltic Sea winds. Lunch stop at one of the little coffee shops in town. Silly jokes and laughter, sweating in the sauna. Eating crayfish when they are in season. Profound heart-to-heart conversations on my friend’s sofa, drinking wine and listening to music until the early morning hours…

Beautiful memories play like a movie in my mind, and I keep running with a happy smile on my face. In essence, Hanko for me signifies deep, long-lasting friendship.

Time to turn and run back.

We’ll be having a crayfish party in the evening. This is a fun late summer tradition in the Nordics, which involves eating boiled crayfish on crunchy slices of toasted bread, and singing frivolous party songs.  

I accelerate my steps as the tailwind bushes me forward. The coastal path is almost crowded. Some people are running like me, others are walking their dogs. Everybody says hello, some in Finnish, some in Swedish, and some just with a timid smile and a nod. This is a bilingual place, and people are friendly. Two teenagers pass me on a pastel-colored bicycles. Jopo, the bike brand, is another local icon, and you can see people riding them everywhere in town.

As I’m passing the old white Casino building, now in a sad derelict state, I picture in my head what it probably looked like as new in the 1880’s. I picture wealthy aristocrats and Russian nobility strolling on the pristine lawn, playing croquet and drinking champagne at a seaside banquet, after being pampered at the adjacent spa which no longer exists. 

Then I run past the red water tower that sits on a little hill and is visible from everywhere in Hanko. I’ve always thought it looks spooky, especially at night, a bit like the lair of a devious James Bond villain. 

The water tower in Hanko, pic taken in late winter.

Jopo is an iconic Finnish bike brand, still made in Hanko.

Old friends are very special

The run is complete and I stop to stretch at my friend’s gate, still deep in my thoughts. 

I remember something I read recently. Or maybe I heard it in a podcast. Something along the lines of “with age, you realize that you cannot make old friends”. And hey, wasn’t that a country song, too? I cannot remember exactly, I’ll have to look it up later. 

It’s a beautiful thought, brilliant in its obviousness.

There’s something very special about old friends, the ones you have known for decades. Friends with whom you have a shared history. Friends who have been there in your moments of joy as well as heartbreak, and you have been there for them. Friends who knew the person you used to be, and still love the one you are now, quirks and all. Friends who can almost finish your sentences…

Sometimes old friendships fade away. Sometimes we grow too far in different directions for the friendship to work any more. And sometimes we drift apart only because life happens. In those cases, if we’re lucky we meet again and restart the friendship from where we left it.

All of this is not to criticize new friends, quite the contrary. New friendships have a different, forward-looking, fresh energy. We see our new friends in a different light, without the risk of baggage from the past. 

As I open the gate, I realize it’s true. You don’t think about these things until … a certain age. 

I walk to my friend’s front door. A fun evening awaits. 

*****

This blog post is dedicated to Mirkka who, in addition to being a wonderful old friend, is a fabulous host and a cook!

Mirkka and I, dining at the island restaurant Hangon Portti.

The quote that I had trouble remembering was: 

“A melancholy lesson of advancing years is the realisation that you can't make old friends.”

― Christopher Hitchens

And the song: 

You Cannot Make Old Friends by Kenny Rogers, a duet with Dolly Parton. 

It is a lovely song and this official music video is beautiful, featuring the two singers - friends - chatting on the sofa in the intro.

Crayfish party à la Mirkka!